Where in the world have I been?!

Oh my goodness, oh how I have miss yall!! I have not blogged since December 29th!! Holy smokes!! It has been way too long. I have stayed super busy since the end of December. I have had some successes, some failures, some happy moments, some sad moments and everything in between.

The sad news is I lost my grandmother on January 2, 2010. It still doesn't feel real. I don't think it has really hit me yet. She was my hero, my biggest inspiration, my biggest fan, the person I looked up and I cant believe she is gone. She had been battling three different types of cancer for the past two years. About two years ago the doctors gave her no more than 12 months to live and fortunately she beat the odds with flying colors. She seemed "healthy" although the cancer was still there. She traveled, she was outgoing, she went shopping, out to eat. But about 2 weeks before her passing she got pneumonia and unfortunately she wasnt able to beat it. It completely took the best of her and her body was too weak to fight it off. We were in the hospital night and day the entire week leading up to her leaving us. Day by day her lungs were getting worse and filling with fluids, her kidneys were getting worse and she was constantly on oxygen. We lost the matriarch of our family, our best friend. It was my mom's mom and we were all super close to her. This is one reason I havent been blogging as much. My family has been having some much needed "family" days and we have been spending a lot of time together remembering the good times. But fortunately for myself and my family, as christians, we know exactly where my grandmother is. She isnt suffering anymore. She is walking hand in hand with our beautiful Lord and Savior in heaven and spending time with her loved ones who went before her.


Because of all of this my weight loss (or gain as it seems lately) has been going up and down and all over the place! Ok let me go back a few weeks. On December 30th I had my second fill which we super exciting. On Decemeber 1st, which was when I had my first fill, I weighed 239 pounds according to the doctors scales. On the 30th, I weighed 231 pounds!! Which was an awesome weight for me considering it was right after Christmas! That means I lost 8 pounds during the month of December. My doctor was happy about it so that was enough for me. The few days after the 30th...I got down to 230....then 229 and one morning it said 228!! I was ecstatic! But after January 2nd, when my grandmother died, my weight went up....then up some more....then up some more. Its like I didnt even care what I was eating or how much. It was like depression eating all over again. The next time I weighed myself was on January 7th and I weighed 237 pounds!! 237 POUNDS!! I couldnt believe my eyes! I wanted to cry and be angry at myself at the same time! That means I gained about 7-8 pounds in a matter of a week or so. I was so disappointed in myself. I had been on a weight loss high for a few months and then all of a sudden this! I know gaining weight is going to happen sometimes especially when I wasn't exercising but I didnt think it would fluctuate that much. Well basically since the 7th I have been trying to get that number back down to around 230 pounds! I weighed this morning and I am at 234 so little by little I am getting there! So as far as weight loss (or gain) news, there it is :)


Last but not least, I have been trying to find inspiration photos of myself for how I want to look again when I lose my weight. I came across a picture of my brother and myself from 2004 so about 6 years ago. I was 18 years old and it was my senior year in high school. I was skinny. Maybe not "skinny" to an average person but skinny for me! I probably weighed about 190 and I was super happy with the way I looked. If my goal weight is 160, I cant imagine what I will look like! Just thought I would share it with all of you :)


Thank you all for your sweet words of encouragement during this tough time for my family! With each day things get better and better. I want you to know how much I appreciate every one of you!


**Shout out to Alexis: I got my package a week or so ago in the mail!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for the clothes :) I love the seven jeans!! The Gap jeans were a little too big so I will kindly pass those on to someone else that can wear them! The shirts are perfect and comfortable! Sorry I didnt get a chance to thank you sooner! But I am all for switching and swaping clothes...lets do it more often! That includes anyone else than wants to swap!!**

Everyone have a wonderful night! Love you all!!