Friday, January 15, 2010

Where in the world have I been?!

Oh my goodness, oh how I have miss yall!! I have not blogged since December 29th!! Holy smokes!! It has been way too long. I have stayed super busy since the end of December. I have had some successes, some failures, some happy moments, some sad moments and everything in between.

The sad news is I lost my grandmother on January 2, 2010. It still doesn't feel real. I don't think it has really hit me yet. She was my hero, my biggest inspiration, my biggest fan, the person I looked up and I cant believe she is gone. She had been battling three different types of cancer for the past two years. About two years ago the doctors gave her no more than 12 months to live and fortunately she beat the odds with flying colors. She seemed "healthy" although the cancer was still there. She traveled, she was outgoing, she went shopping, out to eat. But about 2 weeks before her passing she got pneumonia and unfortunately she wasnt able to beat it. It completely took the best of her and her body was too weak to fight it off. We were in the hospital night and day the entire week leading up to her leaving us. Day by day her lungs were getting worse and filling with fluids, her kidneys were getting worse and she was constantly on oxygen. We lost the matriarch of our family, our best friend. It was my mom's mom and we were all super close to her. This is one reason I havent been blogging as much. My family has been having some much needed "family" days and we have been spending a lot of time together remembering the good times. But fortunately for myself and my family, as christians, we know exactly where my grandmother is. She isnt suffering anymore. She is walking hand in hand with our beautiful Lord and Savior in heaven and spending time with her loved ones who went before her.


Because of all of this my weight loss (or gain as it seems lately) has been going up and down and all over the place! Ok let me go back a few weeks. On December 30th I had my second fill which we super exciting. On Decemeber 1st, which was when I had my first fill, I weighed 239 pounds according to the doctors scales. On the 30th, I weighed 231 pounds!! Which was an awesome weight for me considering it was right after Christmas! That means I lost 8 pounds during the month of December. My doctor was happy about it so that was enough for me. The few days after the 30th...I got down to 230....then 229 and one morning it said 228!! I was ecstatic! But after January 2nd, when my grandmother died, my weight went up....then up some more....then up some more. Its like I didnt even care what I was eating or how much. It was like depression eating all over again. The next time I weighed myself was on January 7th and I weighed 237 pounds!! 237 POUNDS!! I couldnt believe my eyes! I wanted to cry and be angry at myself at the same time! That means I gained about 7-8 pounds in a matter of a week or so. I was so disappointed in myself. I had been on a weight loss high for a few months and then all of a sudden this! I know gaining weight is going to happen sometimes especially when I wasn't exercising but I didnt think it would fluctuate that much. Well basically since the 7th I have been trying to get that number back down to around 230 pounds! I weighed this morning and I am at 234 so little by little I am getting there! So as far as weight loss (or gain) news, there it is :)


Last but not least, I have been trying to find inspiration photos of myself for how I want to look again when I lose my weight. I came across a picture of my brother and myself from 2004 so about 6 years ago. I was 18 years old and it was my senior year in high school. I was skinny. Maybe not "skinny" to an average person but skinny for me! I probably weighed about 190 and I was super happy with the way I looked. If my goal weight is 160, I cant imagine what I will look like! Just thought I would share it with all of you :)


Thank you all for your sweet words of encouragement during this tough time for my family! With each day things get better and better. I want you to know how much I appreciate every one of you!


**Shout out to Alexis: I got my package a week or so ago in the mail!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for the clothes :) I love the seven jeans!! The Gap jeans were a little too big so I will kindly pass those on to someone else that can wear them! The shirts are perfect and comfortable! Sorry I didnt get a chance to thank you sooner! But I am all for switching and swaping clothes...lets do it more often! That includes anyone else than wants to swap!!**

Everyone have a wonderful night! Love you all!!

10 comments:

  1. Kristen, I am so, so sorry to hear about your grandma. That brought tears to my eyes since just 2 years ago I lost my grandma (who raised me) and then just about a year ago I lost my mom and I can honestly say I know all the emotions you are feeling. Keep hanging in there and just know what wonderful company they are keeping now. I'm sure your grandma led such a big and fulfilled life and it's so wonderful that you had such a great relationship with her that you can look back on and cherish.

    On the weight loss front, you know, those things are going to happen. It's important to recognize it and get back on track. You've just had a major life event happen and to be on your game at every second is just not realistic. However, getting back on track will turn your mood and spirits around quickly as well. It's great that you are already on the losing trend again so keep it up.

    You are welcome for the clothes! I had almost forgot that I sent those!!! I had a feeling both of those jeans would be too big, but I'm glad the Seven's fit a bit.

    I've missed you and was honestly just thinking about you today and was going to facebook you to see how you've been!

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  2. I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. I know this must be a hard time for you and your family. We will all be thinking of you. The weight loss will come again, just give it time.

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  3. I am very sorry about your loss. Try not to look back at your weight loss, instead look at the road ahead, don't you look gorgeous from that view? :)

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  4. Kristen my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I totally understand as I am extremely close with my gramma.

    looking forward to you posting more often!

    http://betterbanded.blogspot.com/

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  5. Kristen, I am very sorry to hear about your grandmothers passing. It sounds like you two were very close. I know she is very proud and watching after you during this journey.

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  6. Hi,

    I am Julie , 24 years old, on my journey to get a gastric band, reading your blog is something that helped me a lot in making my decision to go for the operation as it gives a fair idea of what it is like to be banded, I have started a new blog today : http://julie-and-sammy.blogspot.com/ and I would love it if you had the time to follow my journey to give me some advice. I don't know anybody who has been through this process yet so thought i should email the persons whose blog helped me in making my decision.

    Hoping to have you as part of my followers soon.

    xx

    Julie.

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  7. Kristen,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Grandmother. It is sad to lose someone so close to your heart. Just know that she is no longer suffering & will always look after you!

    My DH lost his Father on Jan 5th & we are going through the same emotions. I too have gained weight during this time as I am feeling utterly lost.

    I know that it is hard to think that I would feel so strongly about my FIL's passing, but he was the 1st one in their family that really accepted me with open arms & I always loved him for that!

    Take care & don't worry about the weight, it will start coming back off in no time!

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  8. Hey,
    First of all I am so sorry for your loss.
    Second I just was browsing bloggs and I saw yours,we are at about the same weight (I weight 239) and have the same goal weight, maybe we could help push each other to stay on line, I know there are plenty of days when I need it!

    Beth

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  9. Hey there,
    I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I was extremely close to my Nanny, she was my best friend as well. It was very hard when she passed but time will help. Like everyone said, just cherish the great memories you have of her and take relief that she is in a such a wonderful place now.
    I have also been very inspired by following your blog. I am still working on financing for the band but I enjoy reading about your journey. Maybe you can follow mine as well and we can share ideas when the time is right.
    http://jaeworldizin.blogspot.com/

    Hang in there! Success will find you!

    Jessica

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